Entry 9.0 - Fix me

I'm a complete wreck of a person. I have this exterior is selfishness and uncaring, joking, SOMETHING, that I put up because I can. It's a defence mechanism to blend it. I don't have a structure in life, nothing feels right and I just want to sleep, never wake up again because dreams are..dreams are everything I;m not, everything I want to be. I can do what I want, I have my down days as everyone does but...there's always something better in a dream, having life as we want it, being lost i perfection, perceiving and creating something that's right, how life should be.

I was going to write something earlier about dreamers, probably about the 8th thing I've wrote on the subject, but this was going to be more about an origin, where it comes from and things, but I promptly forgot the starting line a few seonds after I came up with it and that was the end of that. If I ever remember it, I'll write and post it but don't count on it.

I cut and I break, I destroy and mould and hate and rot everything away. But it's never the same, I'm not the same person with everyone I meet or interact with, I can change in seconds from being nice and kind and funny, then I just change and I start hating and loathing. I don't know, how, why or to what end.

I'm sorry. I keep being let in and...and it all goes to hell again. I'll never know why I leave, It will always be a part of me though, maybe there's someone somewhere who..who can change me for good. Let me leave this devil down.


www.youtube.com/watch?feature=…
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLigIC…

These are two songs I love from Hollywood Undead. They just have a way of always writing something truly amazing.
'Nobody can fix me if I'm part of the problem' - Believe, Hollywood Undead.